Giving From The Heart - Expect The Unexpected

Recently I shared on social media some days in my life when I was feeling empty. I could not pin point any particular reason for this, I was just down. Just before I hit send on the post, I hesitated. With everything going on in the world, it felt selfish to talk about how I was feeling. I have always been open with my thoughts and feelings on social media and shared my journey with depression and how I have managed to find peace and happiness here leading a slow life here in Sicily. On many occasions I have reached out to my community for comfort and even though I have never met many of my followers I have received tremendous support over the years, especially when I decided to leave the UK and set up The Good Kitchen here in Sicily. Time and patience has taught me how to share from the heart on social media and to never dwell on the sad moments for too long. I am open about my feelings and committed to sharing what works for me in terms of staying well and taking care of my mental health. On the surface it may look like I am leading the perfect life, living in one of most stunning areas of Sicily, Torre Salsa, tending to my olives and running a beautiful community kitchen. It is true but there are days when none of it matters, and I need to stop everything that I am doing and just be. Embrace the moment, trying not to fill the void with the future, forgiving everything from my past and just be. I often cry in this moment, something that I have only been able to do in the last couple of years. Even at my father’s funeral, I couldn’t shed a tear for fear that if I let the flood of grief come, it would drag me to a dark place I might never return from. I felt myself peering over the edge of despair, unable to trust that I’d wake up to anything but more sorrow, more darkness, more pain. I grew up in Australia where real men never cry and showing any sensitive side was considered weak. I now embrace this part of me and know that it is just another facet of having this human experience and to cry is as natural as it is to laugh. Life’s eternal yin and yang, reminding me that being human is a constant balancing act between opposing forces, each one shaping the other. I am also very mindful that there can be healthy triggers in my life that can bring on floods of tears. There are certain songs, certain films, that have left an indelible impression on my heart Cinema Paradiso has long been one, and more recently, the aching beauty of The Irrepressibles I know there are more waiting on the horizon, and I’ll welcome them with an open heart. Though I may never meet the writers, the voices, the actors or musicians, you’ve each left a mark on my soul…..

Addicted To Helping Others

Chefs from Fifteen and San Patrignano

When I lived in London I studied to be a qualified mentor and through this process I delved into the many of the reasons why I had been struggling to find my own sense of welling and happiness. Coming out the other side meant that I was able to offer help and guidance to others and it was a huge honour for me to mentor the graduates from Jamie Oliver’s Fifteen apprentice programme (many of them had challenges with drugs and alcohol). Fifteen was a restaurant like no other, and it was a true honour for me to work there and support the graduates. Jamie has always been open about his struggles at school with severe dyslexia, and he wanted to give young people who had faced their own challenges in life the chance to become top class chefs. Through my work at Fifteen I was introduced to a community here in Italy called San Patrignano. San Patrignano is the worlds most successful therapeutic drug rehab community boasting an astounding 72% success rate. It is a long term drug rehabilitation community where people recover by living and working together in a supportive environment. Residents stay there for close to three years and learn one of over 50 different skills which helps them rebuild their confidence and find purpose. It works because it gives people the time, structure, and community they need to truly change their lives.

My mentoring skills took me into the community and in 2006 I set up the UK San Patrignano Association with an aim of helping UK residents to enter the community. Reflecting on that time in my life, I can honestly say I was addicted to helping as many people as I could to enter the community, it almost became an obsession. I wasn’t stable myself and was still battling my own demons around addiction and depression. It’s hard to admit, but the success of helping others seemed to fill a void in my own life. My health suffered, I lost friends, and I wasn’t willing to face my own mental health. Everyday things like work, paying bills, and planning for the future became secondary. It was such a dichotomy, on the surface, I appeared to be doing good in the world, but inside, I was crumbling.

Learning to Begin With Me

When I moved to Sicily at the end of 2020, I made a pact with myself that if I ever started a project with social value, I would first take care of myself. I knew I needed to be in a good place, mentally, emotionally and physically before I could truly help others. The experience of losing myself in “doing good” all those years ago became my beacon, a constant reminder to stay grounded in my own wellbeing. I launched The Good Kitchen here in this remote Sicilian town nearly four years ago, and I’m forever grateful for the life lessons it has taught me. I always say the kitchen isn’t about feeding thousands or delivering freshly cooked meals to hundreds of families every day, it is more about truly making a difference to a small group of people who are now part of our community. It’s really about bringing joy and light into the lives week by week. There is a kind of magic in the kitchen that touches everyone who steps through its doors, whether it is guests from around the world joining us for our Sunday lunches, or the incredible volunteers who give their hearts and souls freely to help others.

I Never Knew That Life Could Be This Good

About a year after arriving here in Sicily I took a drive to a beach I’d stumbled across on Instagram called Torre Salsa. I’d never even heard of it before, but that day changed everything for me. This place reminded me so much of my home country, Australia and from the moment I felt the squeaky white sand between my toes on he beach I made plans to buy a farm here. After a long time searching I found my piece of paradise and I now live on my farm where I grow olives. I have space to breathe, to think, to run, and to explore the walking trails here in this beautiful landscape.

These days, I find joy in the simplest things, picking mulberries that have been freshly picked from my tree and making probiotic drinks, fermenting vegetables, and practising mindfulness. Life has slowed right down, and in that stillness, I’ve finally learned to put myself first, not out of selfishness, but because I now understand that true service to others starts with caring for yourself. Having some distance from the kitchen has allowed me to reflect on what’s needed next, not just for me, but for the project. I’ve begun to make space for others to share in the running of The Good Kitchen, to step up and shape its future. I’m slowly learning to take a back seat, not because I care less, but because I care deeply enough to let it grow beyond me. I never would have imagined this life when I moved here but I’m so grateful it found me. It’s the unexpected joy of learning that the most meaningful kind of giving is the kind that comes straight from the heart, without expectation, without agenda, just love.

My life in Torre Salsa, Sicily

Here is a video that we filmed many years ago about San Patrignano. It truly is an incredible community:

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